Argh! `Pirates' looks terrific but something isn't right -
By ROBERT W. BUTLER
The Kansas City Star
Ah, the joys of the traditional pirate movie.
Furious broadside cannonades at point blank range.
Bloodthirsty buccaneers swinging from the shrouds like killer monkeys.
And of course a fey captain who wears more eye makeup than Tammy Faye Bakker.
Er...well, that last one isn't exactly a tradition. But Johnny Depp's performance as the seriously affected Captain Jack Sparrow is one of the things that sets apart "Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl" from your run-of-the-mill pirate flick.
This is a great looking, frequently rousing post-modern pirate yarn that never takes itself seriously. As written by Ted Elliott and Terry Rossio and directed by Gore Verbinski, the piece always has its tongue firmly in cheek; we're meant less to be thrilled than amused. The model seems to be Richard Lester's 1974 version of "The Three Musketeers," which blended high adventure with a droll, even jokey sense of humor.
And it works -- but only about half the time.
The setup is classic. Young blacksmith ("Lord of the Rings"' Orlando Bloom sans bow, blond wig and Spock ears) loves the daughter ("Bend It Like Beckham's" Keira Knightley) of the royal governor. When the spunky young woman is kidnapped by pirates he sets out in pursuit, having saved from the gallows the one man who can lead him to his beloved.
That would be Depp's Jack Sparrow, a dissolute but undeniably charismatic specimen who seems to be channeling Charles Laughton's Nero and whose mannerisms suggest he once studied to be a kabuki actor.
Depp, who sports bizarre facial hair rivaling that of Samuel L. Jackson's in "Jackie Brown," makes one of the best movie entrances in recent history. We first glimpse his Jack Sparrow posing dramatically atop the mast of what we suppose is a mighty man-o-war. And no sense spoiling the ensuing surprise.
Jack, you see, once commanded the very same crew of pirates but was marooned after a mutiny. Now he yearns to reclaim his ship, the Black Pearl, which is under the command of the malevolent Barbossa (Geoffrey Rush).
Here's another thing that sets "Pirates" apart. It's also a ghost story. Barbossa and his crew have been cursed. They're walking dead, unable to feel pleasure or pain, eat, drink or dally with the wenches. No wonder they're in such a foul mood.
Instead they endlessly sail in search of the Mayan relics that will lift the curse. And I almost forgot -- in moonlight they are reduced to ghastly skeletons. This makes for some major special effects set pieces.
All the elements are in place for a pretty delightful time at the movies. But something isn't quite right.
For starters, director Verbinski isn't enough of a stylist to pull off the script's delicate balancing act. He's fine with action (there's a particularly nifty sword duel between Depp and Bloom), but as he showed with the underwhelming "The Mexican," Verbinski has problems finding just the right tone between humor and adventure.
The film is never quite funny enough to make us forget that dramatically it's pretty slim stuff.
And with a running time of two hours plus, "Pirates of the Caribbean" feels terribly flabby, with the same jokes being repeated over and over and battle scenes so drawn out we start to lose interest.
Bloom and Knightley exude youthful energy and fresh-scrubbed sex appeal, while Rush seems to be having much fun as the dyspeptic heavy.
And then there's Depp, who's something of a one-man spectacle. His is an audacious -- even foolhardy -- twist on the pirate chieftain. And while the performance doesn't always work, you find yourself seeking him out, curious to see what bizarre business he'll come up with next.