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  • "I was selling pens..You're calling people who don't want you to call them. You put on your best fake voice and try and sell them a gross or two of ballpoint pens with their name printed on them. First you say, 'Congratulations. you have just become eligible to win a grandfather clock' - or a trip to Greece or a Jacuzzi or whatever.
    "I only had success one time. The name I used was Edward Quartermaine, the guy from General Hospital. I said, 'This is Edward Quartermaine. How are you doin' out there today?' It was a whole script. He was from the South, and you talk about pork and stuff like that, and I hooked him. He said, 'Okay, I'm in! And the grandfather clock?' I said, 'Yeah, yeah, yeah.' 'The trip to Greece?' I said, 'Yeah, yeah, yeah.' And then I gave it up. I said, 'Listen, the grandfather clock is made of cardboard. It's a piece of shit, and you'll never get the trip to Greece - it won't happen. So f*** it, it was nice talking to you. And he said, 'Okay!'"

    Category: Johnny on himself
    sent in by: Nicole
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